Exploring the Difference between Overt and Covert Narcissism
Exploring the Differences Between Overt and Covert Narcissism
Narcissism is associated with self-centeredness, a lack of empathy and an inflated sense of self-importance. However, not all narcissists are the same. In fact, narcissistic personality traits can manifest in vastly different ways, particularly in what are known as overt and covert narcissism (I use these terms, instead of grandiose and vulnerable narcissism, as overt and covert are the more commonly understood terms - however, as with all things in this subject, I am aware of the nuance in meaning).
While both types fall under the umbrella of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) their behavioural patterns and how they impact others vary significantly. So if you have found yourself questioning if your partner, family member, friend or colleague is a narcissist but they don’t quite fit the bill, keep reading as they may be a covert narcissist.
Firstly, what Is Narcissism?
Narcissism exists on a spectrum. While a healthy level of self-esteem and self-focus is normal and even beneficial, pathological narcissism —often linked to NPD— can severely affect a person’s ability to maintain balanced relationships. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), someone with narcissistic personality disorder has to tick off five of the following attributes:
A grandiose sense of self-importance
Fantasies of unlimited success or power
Belief in being special and unique
A need for excessive admiration
A sense of entitlement
Interpersonally exploitative behaviour
Lack of empathy
Envy of others or belief others are envious of them
Arrogant behaviours or attitudes
Overt and covert narcissists may meet some or all of these criteria but express them very differently, leading to confusion in identifying whether that person is indeed a narcissist.
Overt Narcissism: The Classic Narcissist
Also known as grandiose narcissism, overt narcissism is what most people envision when they think of a narcissist. These individuals are outwardly arrogant, assertive and attention-seeking. They can dominate conversations, boast about achievements and exhibit a clear sense of superiority.
Some Characteristics of Overt Narcissists
Extroverted and Exhibitionist Behaviour: Overt narcissists often seek the spotlight and enjoy being the centre of attention, and can be both adoring and simultaneously critical of people of a ‘higher status’.
High Confidence (or Overconfidence): They typically display a high level of self-assurance, which can border on oppressive arrogance and belittling or sarcastic putdowns.
Aggressive and Dominant: They may come across as intimidating or controlling, especially when they feel their ego is threatened or they feel vulnerable.
Low or Sporadic Empathy: Overt narcissists tend to disregard or minimize other people’s emotions, and may only mimic empathy (often in the early days) in order to suck you in.
Entitlement and Exploitation: They often expect special treatment and will manipulate others to get what they want, using techniques like gaslighting, triangulation and toxic shaming.
How Overt Narcissism Affects Relationships
In relationships, overt narcissists may be charming initially, often presenting themselves as charismatic and successful (this is in the famous ‘love bombing’ phase). However, as the relationship progresses, their self-centred nature begins to dominate their partner’s needs. They often engage in gaslighting, blame-shifting or emotional abuse when criticised or when their dominance is challenged.
Covert Narcissism: The Hidden Narcissist
Covert narcissism, also known as vulnerable, introverted or passive aggressive narcissism, is less obvious but can be equally damaging. Covert narcissists typically don’t exhibit the loud, arrogant behaviour seen in overt narcissists. Instead, they present with hypersensitivity, passive-aggressiveness and chronic feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. They may play on your emotions repeatedly, leaving you unsure why you feel unhappy when they ‘seem’ so nice and caring.
Characteristics of Covert Narcissists
Introversion and Social Withdrawal: They may appear shy, modest, or reserved, making their narcissistic traits harder to detect. Often they are described as ‘nice’ or ‘a bit shy’ creating a sense of care and protection for them.
Hypersensitivity to Criticism: Covert narcissists may react defensively or with deep hurt to perceived slights, and often project onto you their own flaws.
Victim Mentality: They often see themselves as misunderstood or unfairly treated, and can draw you into this perspective, leaving you often defending them in your head even when you’re feeling hurt by them.
Passive-Aggressiveness: Instead of direct confrontation, they may express anger or resentment through subtle digs or withdrawal, leaving you feeling insecure but not understanding why.
Internalized Grandiosity: While not outwardly boastful, they may harbour secret fantasies of superiority or specialness and may subtly sabotage your successes or pleasant moments, for example birthdays or celebrations.
How Covert Narcissism Affects Relationships
Because covert narcissists mask their entitlement and need for admiration behind a façade of humility or victimhood, their partners may initially perceive them as sensitive or emotionally deep. Over time, however, their manipulative tendencies, chronic dissatisfaction and emotional unavailability become apparent. This form of narcissism can be particularly confusing and emotionally draining for those involved, as it involves more subtle forms of control and guilt-tripping.
Similarities and Shared Traits
Despite their differences, overt and covert narcissists share a fundamental core: a fragile self-esteem dependent on external validation. Both types are driven by the need to protect an idealised self-image and are likely to react defensively when that image is threatened. Similarly, both versions will fundamentally have low or no empathy, only mimicking empathy in the early stages or during periods of ‘hoovering’ you back into the relationship or after an episode of abuse.
Additionally, both forms of narcissism can be equally difficult to treat, as individuals with narcissistic traits often struggle with self-awareness and resist acknowledging their harmful behaviours.
Recognising Narcissism in Everyday Life
Understanding the two types of narcissism is crucial for identifying toxic behaviour in personal, professional and social relationships. Some red flags include:
Repeated patterns of manipulation or emotional abuse
A lack of genuine empathy or concern for others
Disproportionate reactions to criticism or perceived rejection
Relationships marked by one-sidedness and control
A feeling that something is wrong or off but you are not sure what
Extreme levels of low self-esteem and chronic insecurity around the relationship
While overt narcissists may be easier to spot due to their loud and self-aggrandising behaviour, covert narcissists often require closer observation and insight to identify. It can often be decades before you realise you are dealing with a covert narcissist.
Should I Leave or Can they Change?
Change is possible, but it requires willingness and consistent effort. Therapy can help individuals with narcissistic tendencies become more self-aware, develop empathy and build healthier relational patterns. However, many narcissists do not seek help voluntarily and may only do so when facing significant personal or professional consequences. Ultimately, a narcissist is often well rewarded for their behaviour and can be very unwilling to give up their long established patterns of abuse.
For those in relationships with narcissists, setting firm boundaries and seeking support (from friends, therapists or support groups) is essential. Unfortunately, often the only safe and healthy route is to distance yourself or end the relationship, going No or Low Contact, depending on your circumstances.
Conclusion
Overt and covert narcissism represent two ends of a behavioural spectrum rooted in the same psychological need: validation and control. Overt narcissists do this through visible dominance and grandiosity, while covert narcissists rely on emotional manipulation and victimhood. Both however can cause significant harm to those around them.
Recognising these differences is the first step in protecting oneself and fostering healthier interpersonal dynamics. Whether dealing with a loud, self-promoting individual or a seemingly shy, passive person who uses guilt as a weapon, being aware of narcissistic patterns empowers you to make informed choices in relationships—and potentially help others do the same.
If you would like to discuss your circumstances further, fear that you may be in a narcissistic relationship or have left an abusive relationship behind, do reach out for a free initial consultation.
