Gaslighting - the top ten relationship signs

Gaslighting – The Top Ten Relationship Signs

Gaslighting is a subtle but deeply damaging form of emotional abuse that can occur in any kind of relationship — your partner, family, friends or work colleagues. It involves manipulating someone into doubting their own memory, perception or sanity, in order to gain control or avoid accountability. (The term originates from the 1938 play Gas Light, in which a husband systematically manipulates his wife into believing she is going mad. If you ever want an unsettling cinematic experience, check it out!)

Gaslighting doesn’t look like clear-cut verbal or physical abuse. But that makes it all the more insidious as it is a form of systematic and hugely damaging psychological abuse. It can manifest as seemingly small comments, denials or contradictions that chip away at your confidence and sense of self. Many people who experience gaslighting don’t recognise it until some serious emotional harm has been done, leaving you with deep seated trauma, often in the form of PTSD or CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Recognising the signs early is crucial for protecting your mental wellbeing and preventing ongoing trauma to yourself, your body and your nervous system.

Here are the top ten signs you might be experiencing gaslighting in a relationship:

1. You Constantly Second-Guess Yourself

One of the most common signs of gaslighting is persistent self-doubt. You may start to question your memory, your judgement or even your sanity. You might find yourself thinking, “Did I really say that?” or “Maybe I am just being too sensitive.” This self-questioning can become so frequent that you begin to rely on your partner’s version of events instead of trusting your own. This can hugely damage your self-confidence.

Gaslighters thrive on creating this uncertainty, as it makes it easier to control the narrative — and by extension, you.

2. They Deny Things You Know Are True

Gaslighters often flatly deny things you’ve seen or heard with your own eyes and ears. For example, they might say they never said something that they clearly did or insist you imagined an event that actually happened. Over time, this repeated denial of reality can make you question your own perception on all areas of your life.

This tactic is particularly insidious because it slowly erodes your ability to trust your instincts and memories.

3. You Feel Like You’re Walking on Eggshells

If you find yourself constantly editing what you say or do to avoid conflict, that’s a red flag. In gaslighting relationships, the victim often becomes hypervigilant, trying to avoid triggering another an attack, denials or emotional withdrawal. You might become overly cautious in conversations or feel anxious before bringing up even minor concerns.

This fear isn’t just discomfort — it’s a sign your emotional safety is being compromised. If you don’t feel safe, something is very wrong.

4. They Twist Your Words or Intentions

Gaslighters are hugely adept at reinterpreting your words to suit their own narrative. You may try to express your feelings or clarify something that happened, only to have them respond with, “So you’re saying it’s all my fault?” or “You’re just trying to start a fight.”

This tactic shifts the focus away from their behaviour and places the blame back onto you, often leaving you confused and on the defensive. This results in you feeling increasingly silenced and powerless in the relationship.

5. You Apologise All the Time

Do you find yourself constantly saying sorry, even when you’ve done nothing wrong? People who are being gaslit often end up apologising to maintain peace or because they’ve been made to feel they’re always in the wrong.

Over time, excessive apologising becomes a default response to conflict, reinforcing a dynamic where your feelings and experiences are minimised. This erodes boundaries both in and out of the relationship and can cause years of damage to healthy boundary setting.

6. They Make You Feel ‘Crazy’ or ‘Too Sensitive’

Gaslighters frequently dismiss your emotions with phrases like, “You’re overreacting,” “You’re imagining things,” or “You’re being too sensitive.” These statements aren’t just patronising — they’re designed to make you question the validity of your feelings and to keep you quiet and defenceless.

By trivialising your emotional responses, the gaslighter avoids accountability while training you to doubt yourself, resulting in a huge power disparity in the relationship. If this sounds like your relationship, you may be being gaslit.

7. They Repeatedly Shift the Blame Onto You

No matter the issue, a gaslighter will often find a way to make it your fault. You might raise a valid concern, only to be told, “Well, if you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have reacted this way.” This constant blame-shifting leaves you feeling responsible for everything that goes wrong in the relationship.

It’s an exhausting dynamic that keeps you in a state of guilt, anxiety and self-blame, resulting in deep-seated toxic shame.

8. They Use Your Vulnerabilities Against You

Narcissists will gather emotional information early in a relationship — your insecurities, past traumas, or personal struggles — and later weaponise it against you. For example, if you confide in them that you’ve struggled with anxiety in the past, you will find this later being used to dismiss your concerns and distort the reality: “You’re just anxious again, that’s all.”

This form of manipulation is particularly cruel because it exploits your trust and emotional openness, and leaves you feeling like you can’t be open with the one person you should be able to express your vulnerabilities to.

9. You Feel Isolated from Friends or Family

Another warning sign is isolation. If your partner subtly discourages you from seeing your friends or family — perhaps by implying they don’t support you or are “bad influences” — it may be an attempt to control your social environment. The less outside input you receive, the easier it is for the gaslighter to control your reality as it prevents other people validating your actual reality.

Isolation is often one of the final stages of emotional abuse, making it even harder to break free, and can extend way beyond the ending of the relationship.

10. You No Longer Trust Your Own Judgement

Perhaps the clearest sign of gaslighting is when you no longer feel confident making decisions, expressing your opinions or trusting your own thoughts. You may rely heavily on your partner to “interpret” events or emotions and feel paralysed without their input.

When your inner voice is so thoroughly undermined, it can be difficult to know what’s real or right anymore — and that’s exactly what gaslighters want. This is one of the most lasting and dangerous effects of gaslighting, the loss of our sense of self.

Final Thoughts: Reclaiming Your Reality

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that thrives in silence and self-doubt. If some of these signs resonate with you, it’s worth taking a step back and evaluating the relationship from a more objective standpoint — do get in touch if you’d like to talk through your thoughts on these examples of gaslighting.

Awareness is the first step toward regaining control. You have the right to your own thoughts, memories, and emotions, and you deserve to be in relationships that honour and support your truth.

If you suspect you’re being gaslit, don’t dismiss your instincts. Seek out support, educate yourself and remember: recognising abuse is not weakness or an indictment on you and your choices — it’s the beginning of reclaiming your power and moving towards loving, compassionate and authentic relationships.

If you would like to discuss your circumstances further,  fear that you may be in a narcissistic relationship or have left an abusive relationship behind, do reach out for a free initial consultation.